Anxiety!?

I know I haven't written in far to long, its not even funny how long its been, but I guess I can explain it by the small word SCHOOL.

Grade 12 has started, and it is awesome in many ways but so hard in others. Grad cruise is in a week and I am so stoked! I am getting ready with a friend I have been friends with for 15 years... NO JOKE! we are going to get out of school early and then go get manicures on wednesday then get all dressed up! I am praying for good weather but I am sure it will be fun either way. Now for the unfun part... homework. There is a lot of it, and I am even shocked on how much I have with only 5 academic courses but I guess grade 12 is hard, that isn't just a rumor.

I have struggled with anxiety all my life, and it is becoming worse and worse. I have been full on anxious for 5 days straight now. Anxiety for me means... barely can breath, tense muscles and the feeling of crying. Now today I broke, for the first time ever with anxiety I cried.. it was weird. I was talking to my teacher about it and felt tears but ignored them. I walked out and a good friend of mine who understands what I am dealing with walked past me. His first words were "how are you" I looked at him shook my head and kept walking. Now most of my friends would have said okay but he stopped, turned around and stopped me. I broke, I didn't know what to say or feel. He told me to breath... now thats everyones thing, I understand why he would say it, I would to but at that moment, breathing was not even an option. I am thankful for him, he is amazing. He listens and gets me. I ran to a teacher I am close to and she just hugged me, I felt like no matter what I did I couldn't calm down. But after crying, I feel a tad better, I feel not as if I can't breath as much... Now this could be because I am not focusing on it but who knows.

Grade 12 is great but hard. I am starting out rough but I am trying to smile. Thats all I can do right? I have to make this the best year possible, and I will with the people around me supporting me.

" 11:11 happens twice a day, because everybody deserves a second chance"

I thought that was cute so I thought I should add it. I am praying and trusting God with my situation right now. But I am off to finish homework then baby sit

Inspired & STOKED! :)

Last night was wicked, and I wanted to write a blog right then and there but words could not describe the way I was feeling last night so I thought I would hold off till today! I am still just as stoked, I am still inspired, so here is the story...

Last night I went for coffee with someone I have been waiting to go for coffee with for about 5 months... so non the less, I was pretty happy about that let alone the talk we had! This guy is truly one of the most life impacting people I know. He was in a severe car accident 10 years ago, this accident was a consequence of a choice he made. He drove impaired that night, just hoping party to party like you would at 21, with a friend in a car, he went out of control and the car flipped and got smashed badly. Today, this guy is in a wheel chair paralyzed from the chest down, and living each day aware that because of one choice he made, he killed a close child hood friend of his. But this guy is also traveling all over Canada and the USA, impacting students lives every day... that is truly amazing.

He has become a friend of mine, but also a person who I want to work with to change peoples lives. Last night I told him about a dream I had about him, I had introduced him at a conference he spoke at. That dream is now coming true, I am getting the chance to go with him to a conference he is doing and tell my story. I think stories are so impacting, and everyone has one. This friend of mine and me both have a dream for people, and counseling. So together we plan to change peoples lives slowly.

Kevin Brooks, this is for you. Thank you for changing peoples lives daily, and thank you for working hand in hand with me to change peoples lives.

this is the blog Kevin Brooks wrote about how he felt about last night, I think we were both so pumped that words could not come out... he explained them better then I did though! :) -

http://www.kevinbrooks.ca/index.php/2010/09/we-are-the-youth-brigade/

One a side note!
At this moment in life I am happy, I can say I am truly happy. I am happy with myself, who I am becoming, my body and everything else! I can't believe how crazy things have become, but the craziness is what I love. To add to the craziness, I got a 5 day a week baby sitting job for 3 kids for 3 hours! It is going to be nuts but great, I can't wait. It might not last long but right now it is great! I am so stoked on life its not even funny! :)