Today was a day I knew would be hard for me, but at the same time I had to wake up and handle it with the best attitude I could. I woke up smiling saying, "I get to see family that I haven't seen in 10 years today! I am excited!". The truth is, I was excited but I was also very sad. Today my dad would have been 52 years old. He is not here to celebrate it, and I really wish he was. To add to my problems I was moody today (you can all guess why) so that just put a turn on my day... Lets just say, I lost my patience very quickly today, especially when I was around my cousin who I love dearly but knows how to push buttons. I snapped, I almost cried many times, but I also smiled and laughed. I was excited this morning to see family I hadn't seen in 10 years, and I stayed excited until they left. I also got the chance to buy clothes - with no HST ( i love alberta for that reason!) But in the end of the day, I was sad, but I was also happy. I wish my dad was here so we could celebrate his birthday, but at the same time, I can't dwell on that fact. Yes it's hard and I am not just saying that, I do dwell sometimes but it's getting better. Things do get easier as they go along, and I am learning lessons every day.
So dad, Happy 52 birthday. I really wish you were here but you aren't. I would do anything to see you once more. To have one more hug or one more cuddle or even a back rub. But thats nothing I can control. So I go to bed missing you, but smiling because thats all I can do right now. I love you more then words can describe, but really I love the person I never got a chance to know, but that will never change. I miss you today, I will miss you forever, no matter what happens my daddy you will be. I love you dad, and happy birthday
xoxo your little girl!
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